“Don’t fool yourselves! No one who is immoral or...is unfaithful in marriage...will share in God’s kingdom.” (1 Corinthians 6:9 CEV)

    I can hardly believe it, but I see it being played out yet once more. What is the “it” that has me so upset? An affair. Two Christian friends of mine are heading toward a divorce because one of them is having an affair.

    Oh, how it hurts! It hurts everyone. Them. Their children. Their church. Their friends. The name of Jesus.

    And it is all so needless. So senseless. So damning. And so common!

    Surely there’s a way we can limit the spread of immorality and agony! But how?

    Let me offer one piece of a solution. It may sound simplistic, but I believe it has merit. Here it is:

We should regularly give ourselves a thorough fidelity self-examination.

    Don’t be smug. It could happen to you! It could happen to me! It could happen before we ever knew what hit us. All the more reason we ought to consistently ask ourselves some hard questions.

    But what to ask?

    Let’s let Scripture set the agenda by allowing two of the longest discussions of adultery found in Scripture — Proverbs 5:1-23; 7:1-27 — to frame our questions.

We should regularly give ourselves a thorough fidelity self-examination.

    Allow me to simply ask a question and then let you read the passage from which that question grew. Perhaps you’ll find the following twenty questions something which can help you maintain your fidelity to your mate. Something which can help someone’s heart — perhaps your own — from breaking.

1. Am I paying attention to the wisdom of others in my life or have I stopped my ears to the discretion others are encouraging?

   “My son, pay attention to my wisdom, listen well to my words of insight ...” (5:1)
   
   “Now then, my sons, listen to me; do not turn aside from what I say.” (5:7)
   
   “You will say, ‘How I hated discipline! How my heart spurned correction! I would not obey my teachers or listen to my instructors.’” (5:12-13)
   
   “He will die for lack of discipline ...” (5:23a)
   
   “Now then, my sons, listen to me; pay attention to what I say.” (7:24)

2. Does the way I’m acting right now make sense? Am I trying to rationalize or justify unreasonable behavior?

   “... that you may maintain discretion and your lips may preserve knowledge.” (5:2)

3. Am I believing lies? Am I telling lies? What sort of truth in a relationship can be built on deception?

   “For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil ...” (5:3)
   
   “With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk.” (7:21)

4. Given the way I’m conducting myself toward others right now, where am I headed with my life?

   “... but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave.” (5:5)
   
   “Her house is a highway to the grave, leading down to the chambers of death.” (7:27)

5. Am I allowing someone to run my life, thoughtlessly and inconsistently?

   “She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths are crooked, but she knows it not.” (5:6)

6. Am I acting like a moth attracted to a flame? Do I sense myself being strongly drawn to what I know down deep already will be my own undoing?

   “Keep to a path far from her ...” (5:8a)

7. Am I going out of my way to be near someone I have no business being near?

   [She says] “Come, let’s drink deep of love till morning; let’s enjoy ourselves with love! My husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey.” (7:18-19)
   
   “... do not go near the door of her house ...” (5:8b)

8. Just exactly what am I investing myself in?

   “... lest you give your best strength to others and your years to one who is cruel, lest strangers feast on your wealth and your toil enrich another man’s house.” (5:9-10)

9. How will the way I’m living now look like to me on my death bed?

   “At the end of your life you will groan, when your flesh and body are spent.” (5:11)

10. How does my behavior affect God’s people?

    “I have come to the brink of utter ruin in the midst of the whole assembly.” (5:14)

11. Am I busy trying to gain what isn’t mine to have?

    “Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares?” (5:15-16)
    
    “Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife?” (5:20)

12. How do my actions affect the people who mean the most to me?

    “Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers.” (5:17)

13. Am I keeping or breaking previous promises I have made to my mate and before God?

    “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.” (5:18)

14. Does the way I’m living now degrade the appearance of my mate? Is the way I’m living now adorning the image of my mate in my mind or is it making them ugly and repulsive?

    “A loving doe, a graceful deer — may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.” (5:19)

15. How would I feel if I realized God knew everything I’m thinking and doing?

    “For a man’s ways are in full view of the LORD ...” (5:21a)

16. What does God think about the way I’m living my life?

    “... he examines all his paths.” (5:21b)

17. Am I walking into a trap by following the feelings I have now? Do I believe we won;t ever be caught and this can remain a secret?

    “The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him ...” (5:22a)
    
    “Many are the victims she has brought down; her slain are a mighty throng.” (7:26)

18. What am I so involved in now that I might never be able to disengage myself from later?

    “... the cords of his sin hold him fast.” (5:22b)

19. Am I involved in something that could cause me to lose my life? Am I storing up fuel for the wrath of another against me?

    “He will die for lack of discipline ...” (5:23a)
    
    “... he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life.” (7:22-23)

20. Would I call my life ‘foolishness’ if I saw someone else living it?

    “... led astray by his own great folly.” (5:23b)